16 March 2017

No Habitats Left

At a time of unpresidented (sic) support for science and environmental causes in North America, the NHL is again celebrating Green Week (3GP, 0 goals, 2 assists, -6).

As usual, the NHL and wider hockey community have supported the initiative by making a range of important pledges. Here are a few:

Chicago Blackhawks: Will play a minimum of 65 games a season under natural lighting conditions

Alain Vigneault: To keep re-using his favourite broken glass

Ryan O'Reilly: Will still drive to the doughnut store, but committed to always returning home on foot

USA Hockey: A 100% reduction in all travel to Women's World Championship events

NHL Hockey Operations: Agreement with goalie equipment manufacturers to reduce raw materials used by 0.000000001% by 2023

Arizona Coyotes: Will permit three of the team's highest paid players to work from home

Edmonton Oilers: To promote sustainable food production by pricing burgers sold at Rogers Place at $45

Toronto Maple Leafs: Will help maintain ocean stocks by restricting team fishing expeditions to days before games they win

Mark Streit: To reduce unnecessary use of detergents by leaving all his Tampa Bay Lightning memorabilia unwashed

Steve Simmons: Will turn off any computer he sees at a hockey rink

Professional Hockey Writers Association: Aim to minimise carbon footprint relating to transportation of trophies to Europe

SAP: Commitment to a comprehensive database of game records and advanced statistics being transferred from paper records to the NHL website by 2134

Bill Daly: To assist in building 500,000 new homes for African communities displaced by desertification by donating Edmonton Oilers draft lottery reveal cards